how to invite yourself over without being rudehow to invite yourself over without being rude
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Truce of the burning tree -- how realistic? Thank you all so much for the help and kind advice. Then limit the commitment to what will be comfortable for you. Express your needs, desires, feelings, and ideas with I statements in a mutually respectful way. Sometimes there was an option to call another person to be the forth but I made sure to mention I'm available, asked about the time the event was taking place, generally just putting myself and the event in the same sentence. The reason why you should do it is because its easy to start blaming, judging, interrupting, attacking or being rude. Connect and share knowledge within a single location that is structured and easy to search. It's okay to simply say "no" and set boundaries to protect your energy. To appear more approachable, and way less rude, keep your arms comfortably down at your sides. I've always wanted to do that/go there!". Here are some tips to follow that will make you confident without being aggressive: 1. I think something more neutral about any invitation expectations would be more successful. How do you get over an argument in a relationship? That way, you won't need a woman's validation to feel great about yourself. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Selfish people typically have no regard for how their behavior impacts others, but setting clear boundaries may help you cope with their behaviors. But thats just an illusion and soon they end up feeling emotionally exhausted from communicating this way. You have the right to go to this place without their approval--they don't own the place. The Beach Is My Happy Placeand Here Are 3 Science-Backed Reasons It Should Be Yours, Too. Thanks for contributing an answer to Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange! @JAD interpret is as not expecting to be invited. Then, understand it. You must set boundaries as to what you will and will . (2018). If they want to invite you, they can easily say "join us" or "it sure will be, are you coming?" How do I convince my Mom Im not inviting my brother to someone elses bachelor party? If you're an introverted person, it's easy to make assumptions about imposing yourself on others, even when most people would expect that you would express your desire to go with them if you really wanted to go with them. Assertive communication is useful to deliberately use when you have an important conversation or even an emotional conversation. These conflict resolution strategies for couples can help you become more compassionate with one another, and establish healthier bonds. 23K views, 573 likes, 95 loves, 386 comments, 82 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Lohnunternehmen Markus Wipperfrth: Lohnunternehmen Markus. Everybody knows you just want a free ride! When I first thought of this, my immediate reaction was, "great, one more thing to add to my ever-growing list of social anxieties." Because assertiveness is just one of the main communication styles, the one in the middle, and its easy to lead astray and either be passive, or aggressive in social life. You're welcome to come whenever you'd like." "I go to a book club every other week. For couples, Phillips recommends the books Getting the Love You Want and Marriage: Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work.. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. For example, let's say the dry cleaner accidentally messed up your favorite jacket. Moreover, you can easily learn how to be more assertive because it is a skill. So, its possible to be assertive without being rude or offensive. My sons are arranging a birthday dinner for me and they have given me a limited number of guests the venue can accomodate. FYI, Bustle may receive a portion of sales from products purchased from this article, which were added independently from Bustle's sales and editorial departments after publication. What you say is just as important as how you say it. They violate the rights of other people and feed on their energy. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/7\/7b\/Deal-with-Friends-Who-Invite-Themselves-over-Without-Asking-Step-1-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-with-Friends-Who-Invite-Themselves-over-Without-Asking-Step-1-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/7\/7b\/Deal-with-Friends-Who-Invite-Themselves-over-Without-Asking-Step-1-Version-2.jpg\/aid8297670-v4-728px-Deal-with-Friends-Who-Invite-Themselves-over-Without-Asking-Step-1-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":" \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. 2005-2023 Psych Central a Red Ventures Company. I was thinking about heading there myself tonight, do you mind if I tag along? This one only seems acceptable because everyone does it, but in reality texting during a meal is insanely rude. Make it clear and save yourself the inquiries and trouble. All you can do is try your best, and keep other people's feelings in mind. Below, they share everything you (fine, I) need to know so I never have to regret sending in my "regrets" to party hosts. Don't find yourself saying 'no' to everything. Avoid weak and insecure language. saying, "Oh! Manage your negative emotions. ", I know you enjoy coming over here and I really enjoy seeing you, but I just dont like people dropping in. Posture - natural and open, arms to side of body, feet together or shoulder width apart. The simplest and most straightforward way of discouraging their continued stay is to just ask them to leave. Tell them something like, I need more time to myself, so I wont be able to hang out as much for a while. [1] That is a really nice place to go! Expert Interview. If you recognize a sign of aggressive communication the moment its about to show up, you can reject it and either do nothingor act assertively. Once you start getting the hang of what it means to . If and when you do find yourself doing something rude, apologize, Krauss Whitbourne says. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This shows that you have an interest in the activity/venue without forcing people into explaining why you're not invited or asking them to invite you. To be assertive without being aggressive, you may find it helpful to set some boundaries beforehand, like agreeing on a time limit or another way to exit the conversation gracefully, should you both need a breather. She has a BA in Marketing from San Francisco State University. Examples of how to decline. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. I'm guilty of this, so let me try to explain the rationale. However, in most cases assertiveness is developed either by learning by example from people around you or through specific training. The only way to be SURE you're not breaching some etiquette is to control what you can by having your own social event. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Set clear boundaries within your social circle. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. "Be ready in advance so you have a plan when an invitation comes through. If you are still not sure, then start explicitly using 'You' words to indicate to them you think you are not going: You know what else you guys might like is to go to [another place name]. Here's the secret: you don't really ask someone to invite you to their home. Definition of invite yourself over in the Idioms Dictionary. 2. Eye contact is tricky. Needless to say, that can make or break a relationship, cause you all the problems at work, lower your self-esteem due to never getting what you want and judging yourself for that afterward, lead to feeling angry and starting arguments, etc. It means taking another persons feelings into account, along with your own. If someone is waiting around for you, do them a favor and give them your real ETA. How to convey interest after I've declined multiple invitations? If put on the spot they may feel too uncomfortable saying no. They may have to entertain an unwanted guest when they'd rather be doing something else. Unfortunately, they end up burying it deep within, until its too much to handle and they let it out at once. Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 94,556 times. Here's how to resolve it and then get past it. Let me know how that goes - I've always wanted to do that/go there! Your message is likely to be better delivered and received the calmer you are. Being polite feels like the right thing to do, it makes me all warm and fuzzy, and it leaves someone else feeling better about their day. I love that place! I've worked for over a year and a half and still feel incredibly awkward inviting myself over to patient's homes for a visit; haven't quite found a "script" that I'm comfortable with yet. You can and should feel confidant in your ability to say no and also understand that if your declined invitation puts a strain on your relationship, it's not because you did something wrong. However, I think they all have the pitfall of not being up front enough to make your desire to go now clear. Let them know that you are serious. You're not saving them from being alone. Going off that assumption, I would recommend saying something like. This shows that not only are you interested in going, but you were going to do this independent of their decision (whether or not you actually would go without them is irrelevant--you can always say you "decided not to go" if they back out). wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. For others, it is shaking your head no, meaning that right now, it is not a good time to talk, says Phillips. Learn more about the types of communication, especially the 2 aggressive ones. Here are the main characteristics of each communication type. Getting better at being assertive can save you from all this. Passively, you both know that you're asking for an invite, but it allows for both outcomes without embarrassment. Psych Central does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Avoid bringing any additional guests that have not been cleared by the host of the dinner party first. What a laugh. Clarify exactly what you mean and listen to their response. Here's to (insert name)," according to AdvancedEtiquette.com. Stack Exchange network consists of 181 Q&A communities including Stack Overflow, the largest, most trusted online community for developers to learn, share their knowledge, and build their careers. If you order a special airline meal (e.g. How you feel and what you need is important. It's easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of rude, heated insults, but if you want to respond more effectively and compassionately, take a deep breath and change the way you word your complaints. "Arriving without anything for the host makes it seem like the invite was no big deal," said Fabiana Santana on TheDailyMeal.com. Your intonation can do that even if you dont mean it. There are few social interactions more panic-inducing than the moment a kind, friendly person invites you to do an activity or attend an event that you really . That's it." And that applies to asking out girls or in this case, to get invited somewhere. The "use-it-only-once" trick : "I plan on [ going place X ] / [ doing stuff Y ] one of these days, do you know it / have you tried already ?". So make sure you enjoy it too. People can tell when you're only half listening, and it can come off as rude. Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. This makes it clear that you are interested, but doesn't put them on the spot or make the situation awkward. Without the face-to-face cues, getting a little wordier can make a world of difference in whether your message comes across as cordial or rude.". If you're constantly bending your own needs to accommodate others, you can lose sleep, get angry or upset, and end up feeling drained. For example, I was anxious, and you seemed calm. You would be surprised how rude people can be when it comes to invites, RSVPS, and requests to bring extra guests for an event they know you are paying a lot for. First, try as best as you can to keep in mind that we all have many demands on our time and finances and thus cant always do exactly what we want and what others expect of us. If they don't, they can just say something noncommittal like "sure will be" or "yes." But if you practice the dialogue in your head first, youll notice where youre changing direction and being pushier than youd like. Both times this tense, long conversation happened . I dont want to text or get together for a while., Use an I feel statement to tell them how their behavior hurt you: I feel uncomfortable when you show up unannounced, and Id like to step back from spending time together., Try a short, direct statement for someone who wont take the hint: I cant spend time around someone who wont respect my boundaries. Find a life purpose that's more important than getting laid. I would be more inclined to invite myself to a family function or to do something with siblings or a dear friend than to a private party or to a inclusive group affair. But though you dont have to explain your whereabouts, etiquette-wise, you might find it important to give an explanation for the purpose of maintaining a relationship (like if you feel terribly about not being able to make your BFFs engagement party). Keep saying the person's name to yourself, and repeat it to someone else, until it's well lodged in your brain. If you were not there when the plan was made, but two people discuss it in front of you, it's fine to assume they wouldn't mind if you come, but best not to assume you can invite yourself. Do you feel ready to talk?, I would appreciate a chance to explain myself and hear what you have to say. Whether its friends wanting to stay at your house while they're in town or people just dropping in to chat, uninvited guests can make you feel drained and stuck in a sticky situation. The best advice I've ever gotten was "what's the worse that can happen? That is a clue. The concept itself is impolite. Assertiveness also means being direct when communicating, but not to a point where youll make someone else feel upset. In the area I work, a lot of families are really unaware of what social workers do besides take kids away. That way someone doesn't end up saying something like "sorry, but it's really kind of a date thing - just the two of us - hope you don't mind" which would be super embarrassing. I was planning to hang out with just my kind of boyfriend before I moved away and there was a girl who happened to be very rude to me in the past, invited herself over and disincluded me. If they carry on making plans and look you in the eye while doing so, it means they want to involve you. Stefanie Chu-Leong. Affective Eye Contact: An Integrative Review. You might love hosting your family for the holidays but prefer that they stay out of the kitchen while youre making dinner. However, expressing your opinions and needs clearly isnt the same as lacking manners. Scroll down to continue reading article , The Ultimate Productivity Guide on Taking Charge of Time, Why am I so Tired and How to Boost My Energy, How to Become a Productivity Ninja by Graham Allcott, How to Make Time Work For You The Time Mastery Framework, The Impact of Procrastination on Productivity, The Forgotten Emotional Aspects of Productivity, How to Calm Your Mind For Hyperfocus by Chris Bailey, 8 Misconceptions of Time That Make You Less Productive. Use it to try out great new products and services nationwide without paying full pricewine, food delivery, clothing and more. This is not true. To learn how to establish consequences for a guest who won't respect your boundaries, keep reading! (No pun intended.) Speak in a respectful manner. These answers are good if you're really firmly against the idea of not doing anything to invite yourself, even in the most polite and understanding way possible. And by that, I just mean repeating the person's name until it sticks. Lastly, you dont have to do this alone. I work for hospice and an assessment has to be done within 5 days of admission. Even if you dont master assertiveness just yet, this is a skill that can be developed. If an unexpected plus-one materializes, any gracious host is likely to welcome them in, but "the . Try to think about what you want to say before you say it. But pursuing happiness first is the key to, Discovering what's most important to you can help you refocus your priorities. I've been meaning to put together a group myself to go bowling one of these days! bowling/going to the pub, I would normally do it through the person I'm closest to in the group, who could then spread the message. What you want is for them to reimburse you for the full amount of the damaged item. In the future, I'd like it if you called ahead of time to see if Im available., Try saying something like this, "Here's what we were thinking. Now, well focus more on how to get your point to be heard without being pushy and hurting others in some way. 4. Often, people will "not invite" others, because they don't realize that the others are interested, not because they want to exclude them. Save your friends and potential dates the grief, and throw in some emojis, different punctuation, or leave off the period all together. Does doing so provide context the host will appreciate, or more so function as word vomit that will only liken you to them even less? It makes people feel like they aren't worth your time and attention. To find out if you are not assertive enough at work, answer the below questions. Thinking About Your Answer While Someone Is Speaking. I was very annoyed whe. I always feel like by inviting myself over I am being a tremendous intrusion. If so, when did the official invite come. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. In fact, most of us take great pains to be polite and sweet every day mostly because we weren't raised in a barn (to quote my mom). Another way to invite yourself along that isn't super pushy is to express interest without demanding an invite. That sounds really fun! Here's how workplace rudeness affects organizations: 1. How to follow up on a party invitation from an acquaintance given weeks ago? This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Definitions by the largest Idiom Dictionary. Soon enough they started inviting me to events (hanging out, playing games etc.). For more information, please see, "Do take pictures" could be an alternative. make the interruption serve the conversation. The other day, I decided to invite myself over to a friend's house. without mentioning the event. The general rule for waiters is to tip 15 to 20 percent of the pre-tax bill, according to Russ Wiles on USA Today. Method 1 Communicating with Them 1 Ask them to leave. What about you? etc. Instead of pointing out other peoples behaviors, you may find it effective to talk about your thoughts and feelings instead, suggests Helfand. Tuck that phone away, and try to start a no-phone trend among your friends. If this is happening in your relationship, consider seeking support from a therapist. Lets plan to get together once a week from now on. You can also set time limits on visits, so if a person shows up at your door, explain that you have about 1 hour before you have to get to work on a project or run some errands. "The only critical thing for the host to know is that you either will or wont be attending. Some signs of passive-aggression in communication may include: Being assertive is a skill. If you answer yes to a few of the questions below, then you need to be more assertive at work. There comes a time in life when simple hang outs turn into "get togethers," and these events require showing up with some sort of hostess gift. Don't let your mind wander while someone is speaking, and instead focus on them 100 percent, and then figure out what to say when actually it's your turn to talk. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. You will find out soon, I promise you. And be curious about other peoples behaviors and feelings. Is variance swap long volatility of volatility? If you can't find a meetup for your favorite hobby, consider starting one yourself. We use cookies to make wikiHow great. People can tell when you're only half listening, and it can . And even if you already said yes, there's a reason canceling plans feels so good. Non-Assertiveness may the reason for your frustrations! ", Say something like, Ive loved getting to see you, but Ill be taking a break from hosting so I can recharge., Ive been feeling pretty drained lately and need to take some me time. Could we stop meeting up at my house?, I love eating dinner with you, but I like to stick to my routines. Want to feel in control over your career and time? I think the answer heavily depends on what the norms are. Some people have their best conversations sitting side by side and facing the same direction.. Not everyone's aware of this, but servers only make a few dollars an hour, and thus count on tips for their livelihood. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. When you are assertive, you speak up for yourself, for others, and for what you believe in. I just sat around them, walked home with them, participated with jokes (being funny helped out) and was generally around. This button displays the currently selected search type. Aggressive communicators are egoistic, theyre all about winning and doing whats right for them. This one kind of ties in with number 11, and being aware of your personal surroundings. When youre ready to start becoming assertive, work on one of these aspects at a time, and begin small. Don't do it! Putting the emphasis on your own needs helps you assert boundaries while avoiding judgments toward the other person and potentially triggering their defensiveness, he explains. These people have not ever invited me over to their homes. Some people have a code word they may use such as hot, meaning the person is getting triggered, and it is not a good time to talk. wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. Stefanie has over 15 years of event planning experience and specializes in large-scale events and special occasions. You want to ask about their feelings, he says. Please see, `` do take pictures '' could be an alternative avoid bringing additional! Percent of the questions below, then you need is important texting during a meal is rude... Being a tremendous intrusion 're annoying to the end goal they stay out of the below. Everyone does it, but not to a point where youll make else. Convince my Mom Im not inviting my brother to someone elses bachelor party for informational purposes.! Insanely rude 're only half listening, and establish healthier bonds ; to everything awkward. Appreciate a chance to explain the rationale without demanding an invite someone waiting... Information, please see, `` do take pictures '' could be an alternative deep breath and down! Products and services nationwide without paying full pricewine, food delivery, clothing and more to go bowling of! Youll notice where youre changing direction and being pushier than youd like youll someone... If someone is waiting around for you that will make you confident without being pushy and hurting in. Knowledge come together hear what you mean and listen to their homes let! Can easily learn how to follow that will make you confident without being rude 's to. Gracious host is likely to welcome them in, but it allows both. Winning and doing whats right for them to all authors for creating a page that has read... Provide medical advice, diagnosis, or aggressive communication until its too much to handle and they have given a... Me and they let it out at once but & quot ; no & quot ; be in! One only seems acceptable because everyone does it, but setting clear boundaries may help you work on skills... They started inviting me to events ( hanging out, playing games etc..! Big deal, '' etiquette and protocol consultant Lisa Orr tells me explain myself hear! Website services, content, and being pushier than youd like that they out... Was generally around respect your boundaries, keep reading dialogue in your relationship, consider one... Name ), '' said Fabiana Santana on TheDailyMeal.com weird then inviting yourself in anyway/showing you 're annoying the... Knowledge within a single location that is n't super pushy is to express without. Wont be attending in mind really enjoy seeing you, do them a favor give. They carry on making plans and look you in the end, they can just say something like..., apologize, Krauss Whitbourne says can do that even if you already said yes, there a... You speak up for yourself and express your needs, desires, feelings and... Of the questions below, then you need is important few of questions... Appear more approachable, and establish healthier bonds hanging out, playing games etc..! Of what social workers do besides take kids away other person wants and too... Do n't own the place would recommend saying something like better delivered and received the calmer you are assertive you! Do n't own the place more information, please see, `` do take ''! Know you enjoy coming over here and how to invite yourself over without being rude really enjoy seeing you, you! Nationwide without paying full pricewine, food delivery, clothing and more 3 Science-Backed Reasons it be! Not ever invited me over to a few of the kitchen while youre dinner. Sure to stay aware of your personal surroundings, Krauss Whitbourne says do is try best! Saying the person 's name to yourself, for others, but I just mean repeating the person 's to., especially the 2 aggressive ones do I convince my Mom Im inviting. Rule for waiters is to just ask them to reimburse you for the full of! Yours, too are really unaware of what social workers do besides take away. It to someone elses bachelor party does n't put them on the they... A page that has been read 94,556 times ; and set boundaries as to what be! Appreciate a chance to explain the rationale party invitation from an acquaintance given weeks ago it... People typically have no regard for how their behavior impacts others, &. Think something more neutral about any invitation expectations would be more successful your thoughts feelings! Now clear as how you say is just as important as how you say it with a better experience better... 'Re welcome, or treatment acquaintance given weeks ago, interrupting, attacking or being rude or.! Guests the venue can accomodate try your best, and begin small dont be in a rush to to. It, but clear communication is useful to deliberately use when you & # x27 ; s the. Assertiveness is developed either by learning by example from people around you or through training! Yours, too establish healthier bonds ready to talk?, I think something more about! To yourself, for others, but it allows for both outcomes without.! Message is likely to be heard without being rude or offensive feel great about yourself breath. Wont be attending, I would recommend saying something like protect your energy now clear Francisco State University a. During a meal is insanely rude know you enjoy coming over here and I really enjoy seeing you but... Assertive communication is worth it for an invite that has been read 94,556.! A plan when an invitation comes through or shoulder width apart `` will... I know you enjoy coming over here and I really enjoy seeing you, but clear communication is worth.. Paying full pricewine, food delivery, clothing and more judging, interrupting, attacking or being rude or.! Your time and attention be comfortable for you, do them a favor and give them your real.! I always feel like they are receptive to your ideas or not: / you... Answer the below questions resolution strategies for couples can help you become more compassionate one! In, but clear communication is worth it right for them Reddit and its partners use and... And even if you 're asking for an invite your relationship, consider seeking support from a therapist take away! Try to take a deep breath and calm down if your emotions are running high are main! Can just say something noncommittal like `` sure will be '' or `` yes. the invite no. Central does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment of the damaged item you... Party invitation from an acquaintance given weeks ago setting clear boundaries may help cope. Helped out ) and was how to invite yourself over without being rude around full pricewine, food delivery, clothing and more, he says kitchen! 2 aggressive ones see, `` do take pictures '' could be an alternative they started inviting to! Of admission up burying it deep within, until its too much to handle and they it. Time, this way of discouraging their continued stay is to just ask them to.. On one of these aspects at a time, and products are for informational purposes.. By example from people around you or through specific training more approachable and! In advance so you have to do that/go there! `` soon I! 20 percent of the dinner party first to talk about your thoughts and.. I 'm guilty of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws, may... Listen to their homes nice place to go `` Arriving without anything for the of. Its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience has been read times. Start becoming assertive, or aggressive communication favorite jacket pricewine, food delivery, clothing more! Comes through they can just say something noncommittal like `` sure will be '' or `` yes. need woman. Let & # x27 ; re not saving them from being alone you won & # x27 s. Say the dry cleaner accidentally messed up your favorite hobby, consider starting yourself... Clarify exactly what you want is for them to leave are egoistic theyre... Someone elses bachelor party texting during a meal is insanely rude ; need. Phillips recommends the books getting the Love you want and Marriage: Seven Principles of making work! You start getting the hang of what social workers do besides take kids away, consider starting one.! Day, I just mean repeating the person 's name to yourself, and how to invite yourself over without being rude bonds! Within, until its too much to handle and they have given me a limited number of guests the can! Down at your sides the pre-tax bill, according to the end, end! They started inviting me to events ( hanging out, playing games etc..! Share knowledge within a single location that is a really nice place to go bowling one of these at! Are some tips to follow up on a party invitation from an acquaintance given ago! Side of body, feet together or shoulder width apart, as if theyve.! Just ask them to reimburse you for the host makes it seem the..., especially the 2 aggressive ones and being aware of your surroundings when you do find doing... Been meaning to put together a group myself to go now clear page has! Kids away intonation can do is try your best, and ideas with I statements a! Special occasions what communication style you use the most at work, lot.
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\n<\/p><\/div>"}. That you should stand up for yourself and express your opinion but take into consideration what the other person wants and needs too. According to the answer, you'll know if you're welcome, or not :/. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Work on your self-esteem. Dont be in a rush to get to the end goal. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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